“There might be better ones, but in a weird way, that’s like his last bit of normalcy, that he was in on the joke, that he’s an alien or whatever. Everything after that just got weird. I mean, he was weird then, but—I don’t know, any movie that can get Michael Freakin’ Jackson in it, and it actually fits, that is quite an accomplishment, okay? That it doesn’t halt the movie and it makes perfect sense—you, my friend, have created a world and probably have a hit movie.”

“You saw Mike Tyson in The Hangover and people were like, ‘Okay, we forgive you. I guess it’s been a long enough time. I guess you’ve been in jail.’ You were almost just happy to see this guy alive. And then he gives you what you want: He punches people in the f–king face.”

“Bill Murray fits into Zombieland; there’s no reason for Merv Griffin to be in The Man With Two Brains. But it’s like the greatest joke ever that Merv Griffin is the man behind all this sinister sh-t. And he’s great being Merv Griffin. You know, not everybody’s great being themselves.”

“Marshall McLuhan is the greatest f-ck-you ever. It’s something you wish you could do, just to shut somebody up. It’s almost like a Bugs Bunny move, pulling McLuhan out—and I didn’t even know who McLuhan was the first time I saw it. So many movies have tried to take that move, too. If you got a great Stephen Hawking or Malcom Gladwell cameo, that would be the equivalent today.”

“Bill Murray lives a couple of miles from me, and he kind of lives in a house like that. If the apocalypse came, he would be living like that. He was just the perfect guy to see in that thing, and he plays the character of Bill Murray so well. Zombie­land’s a great gift, and then to top it off, he’s in it!”