“Remember how good McDonald’s tasted when you were 9 years old? Nothing tasted that good. But Shake Shack, that’s what they figured out: how to make something that tastes like McDonald’s tasted when you were 9. Somebody there actually realized that people want meat in burgers. I don’t know what they do, but it’s that good.”

“It’s weird because the best thing at Five Guys is not the burgers. It’s the hot dogs that they split open and grill. One hot dog is a meal. The bread is amazing. It’s like a hot dog sandwich, and it’s shockingly good.”

“It’s almost the illusion that you’re eating a salad. It’s the illusion that you’re eating healthy. It’s just a burrito in a bowl without the shell. But they toss some lettuce in there, and you actually feel better about yourself. That’s the thing: you feel like you’ve actually made an effort. Chipotle’s figured something out: it’s not what you eat, it’s how you feel after you eat.”

“The No. 6 never lets you down, dude. It’s just spicy enough to keep your attention but not force you to scrub your tongue. It’s not quite health food, but you don’t feel like you’re eating junk. Chick-fil-A might be better, but you can’t go there because of the whole politics thing. I just know they’re going to take my picture and I’ll end up apologizing. I don’t need that. I send my assistant over to get my Chick-fil-A like everybody else.”

“You really can’t go wrong with McDonald’s fries. They’re not quite as good as they used to be because they don’t cook with the fat that they used to. So they got a tad healthier. But it’s still better than everybody else’s fries—by far.”